I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
