I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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