Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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