i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
