hotel room ftw
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
