I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
love makes seman taste better
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
