I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
