tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
