ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
