Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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