I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
