I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
