I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
