awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize