she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
