And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
