Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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