I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
