my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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