Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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