Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
