went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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