she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
