Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
