Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
