belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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