Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
