The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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