Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
