Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
