I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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