And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
