If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
