I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
