just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
