Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
