and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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