Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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