My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
