Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
