im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
