Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
