gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
