He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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