Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
