Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
