I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
