We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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