Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We have started to decorate penises.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
