I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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