it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
