Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
