bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
