If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
