I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
