I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
