He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
