I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
