its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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