What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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