I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
