How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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