Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize