Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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