John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
