She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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