Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
