Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
