i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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