Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
