and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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