Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I love you.
Bad choice
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