Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
