My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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