We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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