You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
