I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
