Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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