careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
