Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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