she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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