Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
