No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
