So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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