Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
