Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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