my shit smells like andre
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
