Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
