I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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