I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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