Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
