He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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