when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
