omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
