it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
