Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize