Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
