i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
