walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
