wakey wakey hands off snakey
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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