I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
