I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
