Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
