I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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