P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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