IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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