I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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