it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
