Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
